I still have no idea, where or what I want to be in 2 years.

Why 2 years? Because in 2 years I get my Bsc. After that I should start working, become independent and focus on a career and family. It seems so far off, but I know it’s so near.  It’s scary.

I have no idea what I want to do. Yes, I have chosen my courses, but I still have no clue what i want to do and what career path I should or want to take. I’m not even sure if what I’m studying is for me. I used to love it, and I used to be so sure, but now not so much.

I miss that.

Right now all I feel is inadequacy, there is nothing I’m really good at and nothing I want to be good at. I have no natural talents and practically no drive. I’m the kind of person who sits back and lets the world pass her by.

But I can’t any longer. I need to make a choice, I need to start living my life.

I need to step out of this stupor. I know I will.

Just give me a sec,

any minute now…

I noticed a very drastic split end in my hair this morning. I don’t think this post is going to move much uphill from that.

I have 20 minutes to get dressed and get on my way to work. I’m tech support- I listen to bitching for 9 hours a day. Once in awhile I even fix someone’s cable. The ironic thing is that all those jokes about telling someone to press the ‘on’ button are not an urban myth. 

When I figure out the best way to quit this job I will never do customer service again. I’ve put in my time, countless years at one place or another. It’s no fun being the 40-something when most of the others in the same job are 20-something. 

Not that I am career focused. Likely that’s why I’m endlessly going through dead end jobs. I don’t mind, as long as I can keep things paid and don’t have to answer my phone once I’m home. The most enjoyable job I had was managing a subscriber mailing list for a huge company with business and professional magazines. I don’t know what I liked about that so much. The work wasn’t exciting or very interesting. It was plain and I guess when I came to the end of the day I felt I had done something. No one called me up just to bitch and call me things I can’t type here. 

In eight months of working as tech support I have had three callers (all men) who did not call for help with cable. They just wanted to be anonymous and degrade someone. Stupid… I have call display. I wrote the note on your account, you aren’t fooling anyone. 

Time is drawing to a close. Nearly noon here and I start my 9 hours of hell in half an hour. Being late is ok with me. But I don’t want to be too late. Missing a couple of minutes won’t get me in trouble but feels heavenly to avoid the callers for even that bit longer.